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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 0:31:06 GMT -8
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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 1:07:21 GMT -8
This month I am doing very detailed reviews for all the baits, and I will be giving basically two reviews
The first will be a technical review, where I look at the mechanics and more detailed parts of your bait and assess them and give them a score out of 100
The second will be a general review, which is like a normal review, where the entire bait is discussed and given a score between A+ and F
The criteria for the technical review is as follows:
STORY (25)
This is a big one. The story is the biggest part of the bait, and it needs to be a relevant and interesting one, and captivating. Writing style and technique is also evaluated here. Overall, in order to succeed in this category, you need to have written a story that is relevant, captivating and enjoyable
CAST AND CREW (25)
A good bait can go terribly wrong with the wrong choice of cast or director. There are gutsy director/cast choices, and there are lazy choices. Gutsy and fitting choices will be commended, lazy ones will be called out. Making the right choices and writing for that director's style is very important, and you need to have a good cast as well
ORIGINALITY or ADAPTABILITY (20)
This criteria applies to both Original and Adapted baits. For an original bait, you need to have an idea that is pretty much that - unique and original. Contrived and boring baits are never fun to read, and being daring and taking risks is always rewarding in my eyes. For adapted baits, you need to be able to take pre-existing work and make it your own. You need to tell the same story, but make it your own without losing the essence of the original work.
COVERAGE (20)
This is a difficult one to define. All baits have some message or purpose behind the topic, and it depending on how well your bait covers that topic or conveys that message, you will be rewarded here. For example, a bait about crystal meth must contain some realistic elements about what happens to meth addicts.
CHOICE AND INTERPRETATION (10)
A bit of a wash-away criteria, it is nonetheless important to the overall experience. Writing the bait for the sake of writing a bait may destroy quality, but also making a choice as to what you write about is important. If you enjoy writing the bait, the passion shines through and it is enjoyable. Choosing what you write about is important, because it often makes the difference between bad and good, and sometimes good and great
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 1:11:09 GMT -8
MARVEL 1602: THE AMERICAN JOURNEY written by Kevin Klawitter / C
The Marvel 1602 Trilogy has come to an end. I quite enjoyed the first one, disappointed in the second one and I’m very mixed on this one. I love Tom Tykwer and Alexander Skarsgard’s performance was outstanding, but somehow I didn’t feel like it was goodly plotted at all – I mean not much happened in the story. Despite my criticism, the Trilogy accomplished a Best Picture nomination, a Director win and some acting nominations in the past few months – that is something to remember, Kevin!
THE THIN BLUE LINE written by Liam McWhinney / B
The casting is mostly surreal and terrible. I think it’s the worst casting I’ve ever seen for a good bait. Your story is refreshing after all the relationship-centered and musical baits. I think you were brave choosing this genre, it’s something I really wanted to see from you. I hope you will keep doing not-so-obvious baits in the future, it’s the first step and it’s an amazing one. Congrats, Liam!
SLENDER written by Evan Peck Dunbar / A
A little bit expectable, but very horrifying and exciting indeed. I really like Sigourney Weaver and I love Shailene Woodley in this, but I’m not sure about Liam Aiken – he seems like a weirdo artistic type of guy who’s kind of a virgin until the age of forty. Your writing is excellent and the frightening parts were detailed perfectly. It is a really strong bait, Evan!
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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 1:22:21 GMT -8
FAME FOR FLESH by TitaniumGold
STORY (20)
This is quite a story here. It is shocking and bold, and while not in anyway pleasant, you've written an enticing and interesting story about this dark underbelly of Hollywood. I am not sure how this would be presented as a film, if it would be an anthology or interweaving stories, but I would have preferred if instead of having separately divided stories, you had woven the story together as one, telling each story throughout the entire bait (similar to Magnolia). A great and bold choice for a story.
CAST AND CREW (19)
I am very reluctant when it comes to Steven Soderbergh, because yes he is still around, but he's kinda retired right now. He will probably return to cinema soon, but for now he isn't, so that makes this bait a little unrealistic. But under the circumstances, he is a brilliant choice for director. Your cast is pretty good. Zeta-Jones fits her role perfectly, and while I am not a huge fan of Ribisi, he isn't too bad here. Your supporting cast - especially Benicio Del Toro - is well-cast and pretty good, so kudos to that. My issue is that I would have preferred they were characterized a little more.
ORIGINALITY or ADAPTABILITY (18)
Hollywood is the city of dreams, and it makes sense that an archetype of self-referential cinema is the idea of taking Hollywood down as being this nasty place. Soderbergh would certainly make a film like this, and while not wholly original, it does take a new perspective to the idea of Hollywood being a bad place, and it succeeds at being different.
COVERAGE (19)
You take a big risk here by covering one of the most atrocious and cruel crimes imaginable - abuse and exploitation of children - and I think you cover it well. You show that even normal people can commit these horrible acts, and evil doesn't stay away from those in the public eye. The consequences of the characters don't really strike me as too realistic, but they are suitable and work.
CHOICE AND INTERPRETATION (10)
You definitely made a bold choice here, and there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't get full points here.
OVERALL
You wrote a captivating, shocking and bold bait here, and while there are a few kinks and problems with it, it is still a great effort and a welcome return to a great baiter!
SCORE: 86%
RATING: A
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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 1:38:23 GMT -8
INVISIBLE BIRTHDAY by Marci
STORY (20)
I would like to point out that this month, Marci (I think) is the only participant in the contest who doesn't speak English as a home-language. It is amazing how you still managed to create a tense, emotional bait in a language you weren't raised with. Other than that, the story is very moving, and your writing is emotive and brilliant. It isn't perfect, and some ideas could have been expanded and explored more, but it was still great.
CAST AND CREW (18)
I have a big problem with Disney Channel and Nickelodeon actors, because quite frankly the majority of them can't act, and are too flamboyant or loud or over-the-top. However, one of the ones that actually can act is Davis Cleveland, and you cast him just right. Other than that, you managed to get some really talented young actors, and your two adult actors are also incredibly well-cast. However, I'm not sold on Tommy Lee Wallace as the director of this, because while he is perfectly capable, the child-centric story might be lost on his macabre style.
ORIGINALITY or ADAPTABILITY (15)
I have read my share of Goosebumps in my day, and Let's Get Invisible was not one of the best. However, you do adapt it well, and make the necessary changes from book to film to make this effective. It doesn't scream horror to me in the way you think it should, but it is still a faithful and worthy adaptation of the book
COVERAGE (17)
You attempted to create a children's horror, and you do succeed. It is eerie and
scary and almost post-modern gothic. It doesn't take itself too seriously at all, and it is in the ridiculousness of the story that some really endearing moments come out, and true emotions are shown that are lost on many young adult films.
CHOICE AND INTERPRETATION (8)
You always interpret literary adaptations brilliantly, and like I said above, you could have chosen one of the better Goosebumps books, but your belief in this bait is awesome.
OVERALL
You surprise me all the time with how original and endearing your baits are, and how damn good you are as a writer. While this is not a classic like Dead Simple, it is still a great addition to the very selective and unique baitography of Marci.
SCORE: 78%
RATING: B+
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 2:33:31 GMT -8
MISSING PIECE OF THE PUZZLE written by Liam McWhinney / B-
I think this has a promising story, but you made it too melodramatic and one dimensional. I like your cast – except from Josh Brolin who would never do such thing – but life is not working the way you described. There were no depth and real feelings in your characters and some of the scenes were very boring for the length, too. It’s not a bad bait in any circumstances, but the tiny mistakes made it surreal at some points.
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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 2:36:55 GMT -8
MARVEL 1602: THE AMERICAN JOURNEY by Kevin
STORY (22)
Kevin, you're an old pro at this game now. You've won several times, and you always choose such promising and interesting stories. The Marvel 1602 trilogy was great, and you put a lot of effort
into them, and I am so happy that you actually find time to write (I appreciate the fact that everyone writes for that matter). This was a solid bait that wasn't as good as the first two films, but was still unique and excellent. Your writing is flawless, and I loved it.
CAST AND CREW (19)
Your casting is always solid, and while not much has changed from the previous two films in regards to cast, you did add some very enticing performances, and Alexander Skarsgaard is incredible. Tom Tykwer is the most brilliant choice for directing this, and he deserved Best Director last month and again this month.
ORIGINALITY or ADAPTABILITY (13)
The whole idea of doing this is incredibly original. However, a lot of that originality has faded away a little with the two sequels, so while it is still great, it doesn't have the edge. In regards to adaptation, you have done a really good job at adapting Gaiman's graphic novel.
COVERAGE (14)
Superheroes are now the most successful film characters, and it shows. You take a different approach to them, and it really is admirable. Your superheroes are all well-cast and characterized very nicely, but there was just something a little off. It isn't anything bad, it was just something was a little offbeat in this bait, but it didn't affect how much I enjoyed it.
CHOICE AND INTERPRETATION (9)
Of course you need to get a good score for this - it was a gutsy move to choose to make this as a trilogy, and it really worked.
OVERALL
A great ending to a great trilogy, and while not as good as the previous two films, it was still damn entertaining
SCORE: 77%
RATING: B+
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 2:54:25 GMT -8
NEVER ALONE written by Evan Peck Dunbar / A+It was one of the best plotted bait I've ever seen in the contest history. All the characters were incredibly detailed and complex, the scenes were emotional and feelingish, the structure was wonderful and the story was heartbreakingly real. This bait would deservedly win BOTM.
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Post by My Name is Matthew on Jun 23, 2014 2:56:51 GMT -8
NEVER ALONE by Evan
STORY (18)
Okay, you have a really great, life-affirming story here. It was surprisingly touching and pleasant, and really well-written. It has a lot of emotion around it, and a lot of humor in it, and I appreciate these kind of sentimental but not sappy baits. There are a few issues such as you are trying to convey a "free love" hippy type vibe from these characters, especially Sarah and Chloe, and instead of getting that, they just become well-characterized Manic Pixie Dream Girls, which are often very irritating.
CAST AND CREW (19)
Gavin Macintosh is well-cast, and kudos for that. Lily Rabe would be amazing as Sarah, but I have trouble differentiating her from her role in Coven because the nature of the role is very similar. Your supporting cast is great, especially Boseman. I have a big problem with Chris O'Dowd, because he just played an emotional farmworker in Of Mice and Men, and I just don't get the impression that he is the rugged, salt-of-the-earth type guy that you're trying to make him. I think he's a great actor, but someone older and someone a little more grassroot would have given the character a lot more depth. Cameron Crowe doesn't really fit this bait, because his style is very safe and sweet, whereas a much more edgy technique would suit this better. This feels more like a independent arthouse hit that a 20-something-year-old autuer would make, and not a mainstream film by one of the safest, most reliably soft directors around.
ORIGINALITY or ADAPTABILITY (18)
Kudos for having a really original, endearing story. I really liked the way you went about telling the story, dealing with loss while simultaneously gaining experience. It is a quirky, fun bait and I liked the approach you took.
COVERAGE (17)
While not flawlessly, you created a great youthful atmosphere in this bait, and told a great story through life, love and loss. Your characters were real, while still being mythical cinema archetypes. It is quite odd to think that, but you made a bait that remains serious and fun.
CHOICE AND INTERPRETATION (7)
Like Liam, you have your own style, and these kind of child-centric adventure baits, where children rule over their own lives with much adult intervention is common in your baits. This wasn't a certified masterpiece like some previous baits of yours, but you chose to try a new approach, and while not entirely unique to your style, it is one of my favorites of yours.
OVERALL
A really good effort here. I know time was an issue, and I thank everyone who submitted. There were a lot of problems (all small, and not really too impactful) with this bait, but it was cute, quirky and fun. You tried to make it idiosyncratic, but it just didn't quite get there. It is a good bait, and well done.
SCORE: 79%
RATING: B+
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 3:11:51 GMT -8
FLAME FOR FLESH written by TitaniumGold / C+
First of all, it’s amazingly structured. I always liked certain chapters in baits. My problem is for the length and the plot. I feel like the story needed a little bit more of a plot and characterization. Although it’s important to talk about issues behind the fame and fortune and I do give you a standing ovation for the message, I felt like it wasn't as good as good writer you are.
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 3:47:38 GMT -8
SUNDAY MORNING written by Matthew Jenner / BThe story is mostly engaging and extremely well-thought. The casting is spot on – both Melissa McBride and Robert Knepper were used perfectly here. The first few scenes were my favorites and the tops of the bait – they were so dark and captivating, after that I was a little let down by the rest, but as I mentioned, they were mostly engaging. Very good effort, Matt!
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Post by Marci on Jun 23, 2014 4:34:53 GMT -8
PIONEER written by Ryan Cole / B- Welcome back, Ryan! I found your bait a good idea, but it was so short - I wanted to read more of the situation as it's so inspiring among all these baits about the same topic all over again. It was different, however as I mentioned, too short to make a huge impact on me. Some of your casting choices, especially Lawrence, Waltz and Blakley were spot on! I'm very happy you are back, wish you all the best for next month!
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Post by Leeman on Jun 23, 2014 5:25:45 GMT -8
Leeman's Reviews
‘Fame for Flesh’ - By TitaniumGold
This bait reminded a lot of my first bait ever ‘Beyond The Footlights’, who was actually also directed by Steven Soderbergh. However, there are some distinct differences, particularly this is much more well structured and written. But, my main criticism is there is very little cohesive and associated plot between the five central character, but you written each component so well, you sort of won me over. I am a musical theatre performer, so I have grown up loving Catherine Zeta-Jones, particularly her turns in musicals such as Chicago. She is a knock out in this role and is absolutely perfect. Overall, not your best work, however certainly is entertaining entry.
‘The Great Heart’ - By Matthew
There is defiantly not an airy fairy bait. It quite hardcore and deals with some very poignant and important subject matters that spring from religion, crime and mistreatment.These baits exuded great passion for these beneficial or detrimental aspects of life. Your use of the flashbacks were most effectively, even though at times I believed they weren’t particularly necessary; they still added great shift and sophistication. One maybe to do in the future baits is to be slightly more descriptive and atmospheric in order to set up the scene. Your opening was outstanding, giving a profile to the Guy Pierce character. I thought that was a really interesting writing device to dive into the story. I think you cast is solid, however I do need to single out Guy Pierce , who would deliver a tremendous performance. Matt, you are an enthusiastic member of our community, but also a terrific writer, as exemplified by this bait.
‘Invisible Birthday’ - By Marci
Marci, you are great at many genres, but horror is your forte. I mean you just get it and can write it really well. This is defiantly no exception, however I think it lacks a bit of plot development. The setting, atmosphere and characters are all described beautifully, however what the story enforces with these devices could’ve been executed slightly better. I think it’s really hard finding child/teenage actors. I tend to you just goggle ‘Top 50 Child Actors of 2014’ and choose one, but I can see you really take care with your cast. I think the standout for me is Seth Robert Dusky, who actually wasn’t familiar to me, but I believe he would be an absolute knock out in his role. The casting is good, but it is real elevation of Max character that really pulled me towards loving him. Your director choice is fabulous, as I believe Wallance would perfectly elevate the material and really produce nuanced performance by all actors. It doesn’t hold a light to Dead Simple for me, but it is still very good and I am proud to call you ‘The King of Horror’ on BAO. Well Done!
‘Marvel 1602: The American Journey’ - By Kevin
I am not a fan of superhero films and I haven’t watched a lot of them, but I do have some familiarity about this series and you write it with great passion. However, I think this is the weakest in the trilogy so far, as I found it wasn’t particularly gripping or nail-bitting. I want to give you the advice of that writing a trilogy is very hard, as you have to expect all the audiences to be updated with every single detail. With something as intricate as this, I would suggest to explain every little detail , and you have the great writing talents to do so. I found it quite confusing of what was going on. I do however, appreciate that this a passion project and you exude great passion and enthusiasm for it, but this installment was something that I particularly find as enjoyable than the previous two.
‘Never Alone’ - By Evan
I really loved this bait. I thought it was emotional, gripping and heart wrenching. This is perfect Cameron Crowe project. You are perfect at drawing emotion and proberly tops ‘Johnny Sparks Forever’, that really incapsulating that sense of family , tragedy and belonging. My only criticisms is the flow of story. It all seems very fast, however I think that is sort of an element of the Cameron Crowe genre that I hasn’t always agreed. But, on the positive note that does exemplify you are staying true to the natures of the director. Also, it takes a while to really get into the story. I know it’s hard and you have great ability to retell the backstory, but for me less of that previous narrative would have been slightly more effective. Gavin MacIntosh would fit the role well, but I really liked the character of Chloe. A bit offcentre, I throughly enjoyed the character and I think Ashley Benson would be killer. Your writing is always very good, but something about this really moved me. One of your best baits!
‘Night and Day’ - By Matthew
This one for me seems slightly contrived, however you seem to add your ‘Mattish’ and that really sold it for me. You have a star turn in Jefferson Mays, who I really think brilliant in everything he does. He reminds me sort of like Joel Gray’s ‘Emcee’ character in Cabaret, very flamboyant and flashy, which will defiantly assist him in scoring a nomination in the Best Actor category. It does feel a bit like Cabaret in some parts, but with a lot of twists and turns it allows to take a life of its own. Overall, a solid bait.
‘People Are Strange’ - By Matthew
I can see this is a fun-type of bait and I really like reading those because the enjoyment and fun is really clearly evident. This heavily contrasts your other baits this month and I applaud that you show excellent range in your writing styles. The cast is good, but I did think Elaine Stritch couldn’t really carry the role of Mrs. Entertainment. She was the role I enjoyed the most, but the casting I felt she didn’t suit it. The story is a very interesting one and I think on a whole was written very well.
‘Slender’ - by Evan
You do a very good job at capturing the horror genre and the atmospheric nature of the piece is brilliant. I love Shalienne, I won her first Oscar for Seasons of Life. Bobby won her second for ‘The Turning Pointe’ and now I am tipping you win her her third, because for me this a mammoth role and her performance and range allows her demonstrate a portrayal of a damage and frazzled Marguerite so eloquently. She is my front-runner. The only thing that is keeping me from saying this bait isn’t perfect is the director choice. I think Del Tero is a bit of mainstream choice and maybe someone a bit more edgy and independent could’ve paid better justice to the material. On a whole, a good bait!
‘Sunday Morning’ - by Matthew
This is a weird bait, but you seem to handle it exceptionally. It reminded me of this sort of quirky, off-centre style that you demonstrated with ‘Hellfire’. There was just something that really incapsulated me with this bait, and it’s so difficult to put my finger on it. You have been overdue for Best Actress for a while and I think you could finally crack with Melissa McBride. She seems to be the upcoming ‘IT Girl’ here at BAO, and an Oscar for this role would defiantly not be out of the question. I love Joe Mantello and I think you casted him really well. Of course he directed a little show called ‘Wicked’, but gave talented stage performances in ‘Angels in America’ and ‘The Normal Heart’. He and McBride were the absolute standouts for me. There was something about this bait that really clicked me and I thought it was spectacular. Well written, structured and casted. Fabulous job!
‘Pioneer’ - by Ryan
Hey Ryan! Welcome back to contest. It is so wonderful to see a true legend of this game to make a triumphant return to BAO, particular with this bait. It is a really inspiring idea that I think could Russell’s range in style and fair. I really like your casting all round, particularly Pitt, in role that breaks the ‘macho man hunk’ stereotype he often endures. My only issue with this bait is it is a bit too long. I just wanted to read more! It’s a terrific bait and I hope to see you write more baits like this in the future. Great job Ryan!
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Evan
Member 
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Post by Evan on Jun 23, 2014 5:35:23 GMT -8
"The Thin Blue Line" written by Leeman
First off, where's the press section?! Immediately that's a big issue, but there are good things here too. I like that this is so far outside of your comfort zone of domestic stories and family drama's, it's always great to see people take on genres they haven't really gone deep into before. I do like Michael Stuhlbarg, but using 2 actors from "Teen Wolf" (Posey and Haynes) is distracting, unlikely, and almost lazy because neither of them are very good actors (O'Brien is easily the best on that show). The rest of the cast is all over the place, and the use of so much dialogue at the end of the synopsis doesn't work because, honestly, i almost always think it takes away from the effectiveness of the bait. I applaud your effort here, and the story is fantastic (if the way you presented it is a bit too pedestrian). C- (no press section hurt it a lot)
"Sunday Morning" written by Matthew
At the beginning I thought I was in for a totally different type of bait from you, but it quickly turned into one of the crazy original Matt baits we've all come to know! I love McBride here, although her character seems to kind of just be someone we follow to see the more interesting characters she meets. I think you had a great idea here, but for me it was all a bit disjointed and weird. Fukunaga is a pretty obvious choice and the similarities in theme to "Hellfire" (as well as the passing out and waking up in the dungeon) were very prevalent. I found a lot of the plot movements a little difficult to believe (why would this carted follow her and not Ben? why would Costello turn to drugs for the income over everything else) and a few character details would have done wonders. Overall it's not your best, but it's a decent showcase for McBride. B-
"People are Strange" written by Matthew
I'm really not sure about this one. Parts of it remind me of Wes Anderson (Who I think would have done a good job here) but others just seem like a mish mosh of New York stereotypes (which really irk me lol). Your cast is really well assembled but it's hard to see any of them (especially Waltz and Stritch) actually playing these roles. I thought that the most interesting part was the relationship between Julie and Perry, while a lot of the other characters felt like cardboard cut outs. But the thing I really can't overcome is that this is from the writer, actor, director team of "Bored To Death" which I absolutely HATED. That isn't your fault, I just couldn't get past thinking about a similar type of thing, but two hours long. C-
"Night And Day" written by Matthew
This was an incredibly entertaining bait. I really had fun reading it and Jefferson Mays is a real threat this month. I thought the story was very well told, and the writing was clear (as usual) and fantastic. I think you need to work on your press sections, though because they're so short! I'm never convinced to vote for the baits if I'm on the fence unless the press section is convincing. This is one of my favorite baits from you, Matt, it really is bursting with originality. Wonderful job. A-
"Fame For Flesh" written by TitaniumGold
YAY! I'm always so happy to see you write baits, so thank you and welcome back! It's no secret that I've delved into the topic of child abuse before in my baits ("Innocent," "Softness & Light") and the topic is one that I think should be addressed more just because of how little is being done to prevent it, especially in Hollywood. I think this bait is wonderfully written, and you have a very good cast assembled,but it feels like "Crash" without the slowly revealed connections. I'm also not sure there's enough here for a full feature film. I give you major props for bravery here, but (and this is not your fault) I expect more from you because of your talents as an author, and the development was really lacking. B-
"Missing Piece Of The Puzzle" written by Leeman
Great director choice, Hancock is underrated in my opinion (I've probably seen "The Blind Side" 50 times lol) and would do well with this. Steinfeld is fantastic, and I actually liked Doherty, but it's all so slight. The changes you've made since I first read it actually detracted from the effectiveness of the first draft. Adding the unneeded tragedy and all that is so random and feels like a soap opera. I hope my advice didn't cause you to make all these changes because the bait worked better before. C
"Invisible Birthday" by Marci
I love that you based a bait off of an R.L. Stein book that's just so fucking cool. I kept thinking about Kevin's masterpiece "The Silver Sight" because there are a lot of similarities in how the characters develop and how it's a child-centric bait with magical elements. The plot, while a bit strange and weirdly put together, is fun to read and your writing in this is just fantastic. You don't have a Press section, which is a required element, so it isn't eligible for certain awards for me, but you told me that was your choice and I respect that. The cast is just okay for me, and the director doesn't fit. but overall there's so much heart and bravery here that it's impossible not to love. B+
"Marvel 1602: The American Journey" by Kevin
While not my favorite entry in your trilogy, it tops the second one because your awards campaign was really able to convey all that the film could be. I like your cast as usual and this is a fitting conclusion to a trilogy with so much YOU in it that I respect it so so so much. Thank you for this wonderfully detailed and fun to read trilogy, can't wait for your next project!
"The Great Heart: written by Matthew
This bait was WAY too long. I know I can write long baits sometimes, but you can tell your stories in less space because all of your baits are incredibly long. This is ALL about Uzo Aduba for me, she would be phenomenal and is going to become a huge star in real life, i think. The story is interesting and your writing itself is very good, although I'm not a huge fan of Demme as director, only parts of it seem dark enough for him. I find it hard to pick out specific great things outside of your lead actress, but this is a very, very good bat. Good work! B+
"Pioneer" written by Ryan C
Ryan! It's great to have you back, man. This bait reminded me of "The Grapes Of Wrath" if it was told with almost a modern sensibility. Your cast is a little weird for a D.O. Russell film, but I did like JLaw a lot in her role, she would kill it. It's rather short but you get a complete plot across which is very nice. I have one minor quibble in your crew: the original song "trail of tears" seems an odd choice considering the actual Trail Of Tears was a forced walk by millions of cherokee native americans... being 50% native american that struck a sour note considering. Otherwise, this is a good bait and a welcome return to the contest! B
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Post by Kevin Klawitter on Jun 24, 2014 14:54:54 GMT -8
(having trouble logging in, so I'm reviewing as a guest)
Fame for Flesh - Eeesh... I know this material is meant to make you uncomfortable, but this is just icky, and feels borderline exploitative. There's certainly a great movie to be made out of Hollywood sexual politics, but making a movie where just about every character is not only a sexual deviant, but is powerful enough to get away with it continuously just doesn't feel right. This has a problem that comes up from time to time with baits... you have a fascinating setup, but leave the payoff to the reader's imagination. The issue for me is, I wasn't given enough clues as to how the stories would intersect and resolve. I'd call this one an unfortunate missed opportunity.
The Great Heart - Oh, this is a dandy. The complicated and overlapping story is beautifully structured, and your cast is perfectly selected. Jonathan Demme is also an inspired choice to direct. Reading this (and I'm sure I'll read it again and again), I was struck by the desire to read and watch the play that inspired it. That is the part of a terrific bait.
Invisible Birthday - Your writing is fantastic as always, and I like how you are able to build atmosphere and suspense within a classical ghost story structure. Stories like this are among my favorite type of horror movie, and even though it doesn't always read like something feature-length (more like an episode of an anthology series like The Twilight Zone at times), and the ending wasn't quite as satisfying as I would have liked, I was engaged all the way through
Missing Piece of the Puzzle - Speaking as a teddy bear enthusiast, I've got to wonder why you would go out of your way to establish Oprhie as a keepsake without a payoff (giving it to the orphan girl at the end, perhaps?). Seriously, though, this is a bait with a good deal of emotional heft, and Hailee Steinfeld, Jane Carr, and Shannen Doherty would probably be terrific. The story meanders quite a bit, and at times the conga line of cruelty feels contrived, but that doesn't do much to nullify the strong and true emotional center that you have made.
Never Alone - This is classic material, and Cameron Crowe sounds like the ideal director for it. The story feels real and interesting, and the characters are all well developed. You have a good cast, too, which helps the episode road-trip story feel less like formula and more like and adventure. Good job!
Night and Day - To be perfectly honest, when I first started to read this bait I wasn't sure it was a comedy. But as the comic nature of the story began to unveil itself, I was more and more entertained. This looks like it could be a total blast to watch, and Jefferson Mays in particular seems like he is more or less guaranteed to get lots of awards attention this month. Very good stuff.
People are Strange - This is the sort of light-hearted and colorful indie type of movie that I would really enjoy. There aren't a lot of surprises, but the characters are all well-drawn and Tolman and Berstein in particular seem like they would have fabulous chemistry. I'm always glad to see William H. Macy in a bait, too, and the small details of your story are thought out really well.
Slender: this is certainly a chiller, and I liked how you almost have a stage-bound approach, with the limited environment and the focus on the relationship between the two leads, which is understandably strained. The abortion topic is very dangerous to touch, but you apply it well here and allow for an appreciated level of ambiguity in both the story and the message. I liked this one a lot.
Sunday Morning: Not entirely sure what to think of this one. The material is there, but for some reason I was never really engaged by it. You have some great characters, and the story developed in interesting ways, but I couldn't help but think I've seen this sort of thing done before. Good effort, but I just wasn't all that interested.
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